Things I Probably Shouldn’t Do:

Dial a phone number while walking down the stairs…

1) Because it’s not my house and I don’t have muscle memory of the steps and thus, can’t rely on anything but eyesight when using the stairs

2) Because the phone will cover my vision and instead of seeing there are TWO steps left to go, I’ll think there are only one

3) I will overstep

4) My foot will slide and I will crash to earth with all the force of an avalanche pounding to the ground

5) My mother will see this from the corner of her eye and let out a scream astronauts could hear, toss her food in the air, and come running

6) Her yell will alert my father (who is upstairs and on the other side of the house)

7) He will pound down the stairs, ready to lend assistance

8) I, unfortunately, will need no assistance, save my bruised pride

9) My husband will get the whole thing on voicemail (which will mean I have to go into his voicemail and erase it, then I’ll have to explain that I went into his voicemail, which means having to explain my dodo move)

10) I will then have to spend a whole lot of time trying to convince my parents that I’m an adult and shouldn’t be grounded and then I’ll have to spend even more time trying to convince my husband that I shouldn’t have supervision while using my phone.

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